September 13, 2013 | Author: Mircea Popescu

hipsterism-misdemeanor

It's time to reform transportation.

Ist of all, cars are not cool. Cars aren't something the rich, the rebel, the young, the cool drive around anymore than Camels are something the sophisticated light up. I get it, car companies spend a lot on advertising. Who cares ?

Cars are a tool, much like that long snake plumbers use, rooting through your shit to clear pipes. Driving is for truck drivers, driving is for weird pakis coming by the clan to NY in search of "a better life" and taking turns sleeping in the trunk. Driving your car to wherever you're going is not so much unlike showing up in your overalls, with a plunger or whatever in your hand.

For this reason cars really have no business whatsoever above ground, not anymore than rats do, at any rate. The modern town would limit car traffic to tunnels strictly, running parallel with the sewage tunnelsi. Under the streets and buildings where actual people go. Nothing but a succession of garages and pipes taking cars from garage to garage. You want to see the light of day, you want to interact with human beings ? Drop the car off at 22 purple or whatever, hop in the elevator and here you are.

II. Bikes are not cool. They're fucking modified wheelchairs, nothing more, nothing else. Using a wheelchair for no reason whatsoever, just to bother people and get in their way is a misdemeanor, using a bike AT ALL should be a felony by default. It's clear you're not handicapped, or else you'd be in a proper wheelchair. You're just bothering people and getting in their way, fuck you for being a shitty sociopath, off to jail for one year to meditate on what a little shit your parents brought into the world and to cut to your heart's content. Remember : along, not across.

All this infestation of the perfect form of the human body with ill thought, aesthetically offensive mechanical contraptions is frankly nauseating. Walking is so great, so noble, so close to true nature. Why not enjoy it for what it is, away and protected from the insanity of they in perpetual search of crutches ?

I tell you, cars underground, where they belong, like the slaves in any Roman bath, like the slaves in Disneyland. Doing their thing quietly away from actual human society. Bikes verboten on account of being evil in the eyes of the lord. Hapiness. Greatness. Perfection.

PS. The discussion about mechanical contraptions above extends to anything and everything, like all the weird shit 1900s people came up with as "inventions", but it specifically excludes high heels. High heels are great, and even if we ever move to public nudism high heels on nubile women remain mandatorily required.

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  1. Actually I guess they could share, what's the big deal ? []