Time for some Bitlicenses of our own.

It has come to my attention that a number of impudent twerps have taken to misrepresenting their status and importance in the world ; and in their vile seeking to defraud the honest and hardworking cattleⁱ of the land make wild, unsubstantial, heretical and ineffectual claims ; purporting to have authority over Bitcoin, which they do not ; and to have the authority to issue law (sometimes also called "regulation"), which they do not ; and to have the authority to license some uses or forbid some uses of Bitcoin, which authority neither they have now nor could ever have in the future.

To bring the matter of their fraud clearly and explicitly to an end, and to resolve any misunderstanding which the unknowing and unthinking cattle of the land may harbor on the seemingly novel matter of Bitcoin - notwithstanding that merely its current visible veil may be said to be novel, the substance underneath being older than dirt, and older than the earth that dirt ground from - la Serenissima, the only sovereign over all things that are and all things that could ever be ; and all men that are and all men that will ever be ; and women too, orders and commands :

1. That no man or woman may hold any office of any kind in any place that is not a member in good standing of Bitcoin's Web of Trust.




2. That no man or woman may purport to hold any office of any kind in any place other than as he may have received from the sovereign lord of that place.




3. That any man or any woman who at any point during the previous five years uttered in public, or allowed to be publicly uttered in their presence without protest, or otherwise overtly or covertly intimated any claim to any sort of authority other than the lawful authority flowing from the sovereign lord of the place are guilty of enmity to all mankind in degree of outrageous stupidity, and must report forthwith to any member of the Bitcoin WoT in good standing, nude and barefoot, to begin a sentence of sexual slavery at that member's pleasure and at that member's expense to last no less than one month, upon the completion of which they may with permission from their master rejoin the cattle of the land ;
4. That any man or any woman who at any point during the previous five years took any action in furtherance of an act of enmity to mankind in degree of outrageous stupidity, or flowing from such an act, whether their own or another's, are further guilty of enmity to all mankind in degree of willful evil, and must report forthwith to any member of the Bitcoin WoT in good standing, nude and barefoot, to begin a sentence of sexual slavery at that member's pleasure and at that member's expense to last no less than one year, upon the completion of which they may with permission from their master rejoin the cattle of the land ;
5. That any man or any woman who being guilty of offences punished herein does not proceed as directed, or who conceal or attempt to conceal their guilt are by this fact no longer in any respect human beings, but merely animals, and hereby sentenced to be butchered as animals and their remains repackaged anonymously and made available as pet food.

If you think this is ridiculous, I have two things to say to you. One thing I'm going to say to you is that you're merely seeing the other side of the exact same coin, which yes, happens to be a >9`000 Ridiculous coin. The only reason you perceive the ridiculous in this side but don't perceive it in the other is that you're so very used to seeing the other, that's all. Look closer at it, you may be surprised.

The other thing I'm going to say to you is that you're wasting your time talking to me about it. As it is written it shall be done, and I have absolutely nothing to do with it anyway - Bitcoin is decentralized after all. And also, mandatory.

1. If you're not in the WoT, a cattle is you. [↩]