A catagraphy, or the remains of a bathroom

Sunday, 08 September, Year 11 d.Tr. | Author: Mircea Popescu

Motto : Astfel, zi cu zi, i-a luat diamanticalele și sculele
și argintăria, și le-a pus la păstrare acasă la Hagi Cănuță;
pe urmă, a-nceput să vânză și de pân lucrurile de preț ale
casei, despre care "budalaua"i habar n-avusese să facă și el,
ca orce negustor cuminte, o catagrafie.

Don't you love it how useful the internet is, by the way ? Suppose you run into the English word catagraphy, on Trilema as it happens (being Trilema as it is the only place on the whole of the very useful Internet one's at any risk or in any danger of learning something). What now ?

Why, you search online, of course. And, as I was saying, the most useful of all possible internets that's the internetii truly shines here : they redirect you to cartography! Everyone does! Google has an automated subheading, excitedly ready to excitingly tell you all about what it thinks you must've meant. Because you must've, right ? You couldn't possibly have meant something it doesn't know about, you absolutely meant something it does know about -- hey, wouldn't this exactly match the definition of an idiocy engine ? What do you call the thing that just asumes you meant what it knows about, "AI" ? Well... with AI like that we're in no danger of anything whatsoever anytime soon -- which I guess is the point of the entire socialist exercise, isn't it. Nor is google alone in idiocy : everyone, even etymonline, otherwise an excellent dictionary, does the same thing. It's just not possible to...

It's not possible to what ? For you to learn anything, is that it ?

Fine. Let's continue in the work of ages : a catagraphy is an inventory, traditionally explained as "for tax purposes", but this Incaism elidesiii the important property : a catagraphy is an inventory made to be opposable. It's not merely a list, it's a list made a certain way, such as for instance with publicity, or under authority, or both. See ? There's an actual reason to say "never thought to make, like any sane merchant, a catagraphy" as opposed to "a list" or "an inventory".

As an exercise, write down, what is a list, and what is an inventory ?

They do make specific promises, do they not. After all, neither is a set, they're subtypes of the all-typical set. So what are they ?

A list is a set of like elements. That's the promise made implicitly when that word is used : that the collection of elements so named will be of the same kind. It differs from an enumeration in that the enumeration comes with the promise of a cardinaliv. Not all sets, and consequently not all lists, have cardinals, but all enumerations do.

An inventory is a complete list, that's the promise the word makes, that elements won't be found in the set yet outside the inventory (and yes this means "a complete inventory" is actually a pleonasm -- footnote iv explains who exactly you have to blame for its perceived necessity). Isn't learning things fun ? Now tell me which famous Romanian author (there's only like four of them) wrote the piece (it being so very famous it's possibly the only non-theatre that average Rotards even know to attribute to him -- oh oops, look at that, I gave it all away, not only there's just one I actually like, but there's just one who actually wrote worth the mention for the theatre, this is getting really really difficult...

But let's move on.


Unrelatedly to any catagraphies, above, oysters. Aren't they pretty ?

They were live at the time of opening, which naturally leads us to our next question : do you think shells feel pain ? The forcible opening of their concha (which as we've established is how you say cunt in shellfish), the tearing of muscle and ligament trying their darndest, trying for bitter life to keep the lips shut, the use of instruments for this purpose, the consummation of sweet, definitely female tasting flesh... Supposedly oysters make your manhood manlier or something, but in all honesty I can't say I discern a difference.


Above, snake. He looks really big, doesn't he ?


Well... he isn't, he's being too busy being incredibly tiny to get all that big.

Don't laugh, this happens to people, also. I wish I could say "not usually to the smart ones, though"... but I can't.


Above & below : bulz a la omu' sarac.


Oh, also... pae!


Dar ce-avem aici ? Iiincredibil! Dar vai... vai! Ce se intimpla! Curvele mele care s-au futut toata noaptea si mi-au supt pula! Vai dar ce baie! Ce baie impresionanta! Ce baie! Doamne! Al cui o fi aceasta baie! Al cui o fi aceasta baie super frumoasa! Vai, ce usa si ce faianta! Si incredibil... iincredibil... iiincredibil! Iiiincredibil! Ce baie! Ce baie!


Dar vai! Chiar baia este deschisa! Putem sa intram in ea! Vai! A cui o fi aceasta baie ?! Aceasta baie cu doua buzi! Clima bizonica!v Usi care se potrivesc in tocurile lor! Si puli agatate-n aer! Vai, vai, a cui o putea sa fie aceasta baie! Si banda adeziva de-aia de rata, cumu-i mai buna la viol! Vai, dar are si ceara picurata prin cada pe-acolo, hmmmm... cre' ca aceasta baie este a cuiva care are tirfe mici. Hmmm, ce chestie. Hai sa ne uitam dupa beuturi. Vai, chiar sunt sticle pe-acolo, unele mai goale altele mai de jumate' pline, vai, da' lipseste ca la o litra de vodca... vai! Votca! Ce chestie. Si-or dat cu ceara si pe pres, presu' flausat nou albastru, futa-le sa le fut de curve bete. Vai!




Noa bun asa ?

PS. Mai erau si poze cu pizdele-n pizda goala, atit murdarind decuseara cit si curatind de dimineata, da' nu le-am mai pus, ca se repeta.


  1. Turkish, budala. []
  2. This, if you're curious, is the article where I got rid of the capital I for the internet. I get it, it doesn't, therefore we shan't share a glyph anymore. []
  3. Through the traditional Incaist method of calling universals by their in-universe particular names, so as to bolster (in their own mind) the Incaist claim to universality. Thus they called the Spring festival "Easter" and the Winter festival "Xmas" ; and notwithstanding it's plainly obvious seasonal change is naturally exciting an' people'd have had festivals to mark the occasions anyway they still pretend -- and to this very day -- that they fucking invented Spring or something. Then they re-wrote the dictionary to make catagraphy "for tax purposes", cuz god fucking forbid anyone ever forgets about them -- that's the very day they end. []
  4. And ideally also order, being given in order -- through the working of the stupid cunts has degraded the term through mispractice (much like they've degraded "awareness" or "rape" or "empathy" or everything else they ever touched -- through their inept practice), so now people are stuck affixing "respectively" to indicate it's a proper enumeration, ordered and given in order, much like they're stuck affixed "real" to everything the spurious class gets its grubby paws on. []
  5. This was extremely funny in Romanian, because of the confluence of the following factors :

    1. Romanians are extremely fucking troglodyte, meaning stupid, conservative, uncurious, antiproductive, vain and a choice other dozen or two grosse sins and failures all wrapped into a distasteful package. Consequently, it never naturally occured to them it'd be a good idea to have differential AC, notwithstanding that they mostly use cars as a single item per family, meaning the wife's usually in the passenger seat, and females genuinely like higher ambient temperatures than males. It's just not the sort of thing that'd occur to a Romanian, much like picking up the garbage, or not parking in the way, evidence, reason or sanity be damned.
    2. Romanians are extremely fucking poor, and I don't just mean monetarily. They're principally idea-poor, informationally marginal, they simply never fucking heard of this thing being introduced everywhere else starting mid 2000s, as late as the mid 2010s. Never heard of it, what.
    3. Notwithstanding both 1 and 2 above, as daily practice, and the necessarily implicit dealing on a daily basis with numerous with a view to countless proofs of their ignorant idiocy, Romanians nevertheless dissonantly maintain a solipsist worldview whereby whatever they don't know about can't properly be said to exist, matter or produce effects.
    4. Bizon is how you say bufallo in Romanian, and coincidentally -ic is how you declense a noun towards its function, "fapt" is fact, "faptic" is factual, "cutit" is knife, "cutitic" is knifish, thus "bizonic" as an adjective would denote the quality of the determined noun of being somehow in the manner of a bufallo. Which, needless to say, is funny, because both ambiguous and unexpected.

    Now let's laugh together : these fucktards considered the original video this text is transcribed from sufficiently important such that everyone had seen it ; every Romanian speaker alive in 2015 had most definitely seen this 4:48 clip. They were impossible in conversation, every third reference for a whole fucking summer had to somehow come to this, because Romanian is a cultured language expecting learned reference in its flow but Romanians are a loutish herd with no personal culture to speak of.

    And yet, in spite of that perceived importance -- note that I'm not discussing objective importance, this discussion is unimpeachable in absolute terms, being as it is fucking relative -- there exists exactly one transcription of what the fucker's saying, and you can find it you know where.

    Because Romanians are monkeys -- and I don't mean, "some of them". I mean each and every single Romanian-as-a-single-language speaker's a fucking monkey, without possible exception. Because if they weren't, there'd have existed this transcription (along with so many other things). It'd have been made, at any point during the intervening five year plan, by someone else, someone who likes them. []

Category: Zsilnic
Comments feed : RSS 2.0. Leave your own comment below, or send a trackback.
Add your cents! »
    If this is your first comment, it will wait to be approved. This usually takes a few hours. Subsequent comments are not delayed.